How Nintendo Will Win the Console War

DISCLAIMER: Here at we believe in real news.  In fact, we value ourselves on being as real as possible.  Especially with you, the reader.  However, there are times in our lives when stories are posted to our forums that we simply can’t ignore.  Our fans, our readers, our friends, our family, we present to you:  How Nintendo Will Win the Console War.

July 19, 2010 11:44 PM
As Sony and Microsoft scramble to release their own versions of the Nintendo Wii consoles’ massively successful motion control, Nintendo is already poised to release its next industry changing innovation. The competitors lag four years behind, while Nintendo is striding four years into the future and guiding gaming up the next rung of the evolutionary ladder. This holiday season Sony is releasing what is basically Wii Motion Plus with a glowing bulb glued to the top of it. Personally I am surprised it took them as long as it did to clone Nintendo’s technology. Microsoft meanwhile is trying to take the controller entirely out of the equation, which unfortunately for them doesn’t quite add up. Research has repeatedly shown gamers prefer the use of controllers. If you doubt that claim just think of your favorite video game and ask yourself if it involved some sort of controller, joystick, mouse and keyboard, steering wheel etc. The only games that should use your body as a controller need to be rated Adults Only, and how many of those games have you played recently?

As Sony was busy reverse engineering the Wii Controller and Microsoft was busy losing its mind, Nintendo was busy getting ready to change the gaming industry forever. It is this kind of forward thinking that has proved their dominance in the gaming market time and time again. Earlier this year at Nintendo’s annual Technology Conference in San Francisco CEO Hideo Takahashi unveiled his companies’ latest innovation in motion controller technology, the mouth based video game controller. Promising to be the definitive answer to motion controlled gaming “This new controller”, said Takahashi “is the perfect fusion of the familiarity of button based controllers, the interactivity of motion control, combined with Nintendo’s new innovative oral electro-manipulation technology.” I had the good fortune of sitting in on the Conference and the gasp that ripped through the crowd was extremely audible. I was admittedly very skeptical as I was an avid gamer and therefore innately pessimistic. Shoving my incredulity aside I sat through the remainder of the presentation with guarded optimism.

Remembering my haughty cynicism I felt towards the Wii and how it was absolutely dissolved once it was released and I got experience its responsiveness, accuracy and how it fundamentally changed and urged the industry forward, promoting an avalanche of spectacular titles. To this day I am trying to shovel my way through the mountain of incredible games released for the Wii. So I forced myself to give Nintendo the benefit of the doubt as they had more than deserved it. Earlier this week I got some hands on time with the new controller with Lead Project Engineer Dan Wantanabe and needless to say all my misgivings weren’t only laid to rest they were knocked out with chloroform, shot with a 12 gauge, cremated and the ashes were buried in the sun.

The first thing I wanted to know was what to call it. Mouth based video game controller is quite frankly an obtuse mouthful. When I asked Dan Wantanabe he told me the working name for it was the PiiNES. Although I was familiar with Nintendo’s penchant for unusual names, I was still thrown for a loop. Dan seeing my confusion broke it down for me, Player interactivity innovation by Nintendo Entertainment Software. After a quick talk with some of the shadowy PR people on what I would and wouldn’t be allowed to discuss it was finally time to get my hands on Nintendo’s PiiNES.

The first thing I noticed about the PiiNES was how smooth it was. I was immediately taken aback by the lack of obvious buttons. The explanation for this I was told was to make the design sleek, while maintaining an intuitiveness not previously seen before. “We found a lot of people had trouble manipulating the buttons on the Wii controller,” Dan explained. “So one of the things we wanted to do with the PiiNES was to make it as user friendly as possible. We wanted grandma to
We understand that this above story is in now way true, but it’s damn funny, and for that we applaud you NudeLaw. 
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One Response to How Nintendo Will Win the Console War

  1. Pingback: A Number Of Benefits Of Using Inserts | Healthy Body - Happy Heart

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